If you’d told me a few years ago that at 36 I’d be sober, single, unemployed, and genuinely joyful…I probably would’ve laughed. Or cried. Or poured another drink.
Because back then, joy felt like something you earned after checking off life’s milestones – marriage, career, home, family, stability. It didn’t seem like something you could feel in the middle of a rebuild, with no neat title to offer, no one sharing your bed, and no roadmap in sight.
But here I am.
An I’m not just surviving – I’m glowing.
*Choosing Joy Without Conditions
Getting sober wasn’t just about quitting alcohol. It was about asking myself: what do I actually want to feel?
Peace. Presence. Power. And yes – joy.
Not the fleeting kind you get from a glass of wine at lunch or validation from someone who won’t text back. I mean the kind of joy that sneaks up on you when your coffee hits just right. Or when your cat curls up beside you and purrs like you’re her whole world. The joy comes from knowing that you’re finally, finally, living in alignment with yourself.
*What being single has taught me
Being single in your 30’s can feel like walking off the script everyone else seems to be following. It’s quiet sometimes. A little weird at weddings. It can sting when people ask, “So…are you seeing anyone?”.
But it’s also empowering. Peaceful. Spacious. I’ve learned to take myself to the movies. Go out for solo walks. Sit with my feelings. Build routines I love, with no one else’s rhythms to navigate. I’ve learned that wholeness doesn’t require a plus-one.
Would I love companionship one day? Of course. But I’m not waiting for it to start living.
*Joy in the small things
My life isn’t flashy right now.
I wake up early. I train hard. I eat intentionally. I talk to my cats. I write things like this and hope they land somewhere soft.
And somehow, in that simplicity, I’ve found the kind of joy I never got from checking boxes or numbing out.
I’ve learned to feel proud instead of pitiful. To see progress in peace. To let joy coexist with grief, growth, and all the weird liminal spaces in between.
*If you’re in the In-Between…
If you’re reading this and feeling like your life doesn’t look how it “should”, I want you to know:
You are allowed to feel joy now.
Not when you’re married.
Not when you get that job.
Not when you hit a goal weight.
Now. In the middle. In the messy. In the becoming.
Because joy isn’t the reward for arriving. It’s the fuel that get’s us there.
Sober. Single. Still full of joy.
Not in spite of it all – but because of what I’ve gained along the way.